Stefani released her Marry The Night music video last night on E; a video she directed on her own and is claimed to be autobiographical, depicting what Stefani describes as "The Worst Day of My Life". Prior to releasing the video in it's entirety, Stefani treated her monsters to a teaser called The Prelude Pathetiqué.
The teaser showed Stefani being wheeled through a hospital corridor on a gurney, clearly disheveled and in really bad shape. Suddenly, everything became abuzz in the little monster family and in the media about what could've possibly happened to her. Was she raped? Did she have an abortion? Did she abort her rapist's child? Some even thought that Stefani did in fact have a sex change and this was her grand coming out. Maybe she was beat up?
Whatever it was, it seemed pretty bad. Little Monsters everywhere were on the edge of their seat waiting...wondering....analyzing.....chewing their nails asking "My GOD!! What happened to our Mommy Monster!!!!!"
Then, the full video arrived. Cut to the scene, Stefani is on the phone and she says "But I'm an artisté". When she hangs up the phone, all hell breaks loose. Stefani hits rock bottom and her clothes magically disappear. She is crying, screaming, pulling her hair out, dumping cheerios into her mouth and over her naked flesh. She is loosing it and loosing it fast.
She even straddles a bath tub naked wearing high heels, as you do when you are in a serious depression.
Then, the pieces slowly start coming together about what exactly is going on in this video. We see Stefani sitting naked in the bath tub bleaching her hair.
Thus begins the transformation from Stefani Germanotta to Lady Gaga! Except Stefani left out the part where she is at Rob Fusari's home studio in New Jersey where he convinces her to drop the "Norah Jones" act and to do Euro/Pop/Dance music because that's what will sell.
While we witness the over dramatic, self indulgent, self righteous mess before our eyes, we find out that the worst day of Stefani's life is when Def Jam Records dropped her. Yes folks, she is about to commit suicide because her label dropped her. Not rape, not an abortion, not anything so tragic for her to be on the edge of glory about.
She's 25 years old, was famous at 22. It's pathetic that she feels she has to torture us with her pseudo intellect and her pseudo philosophical blabber. Give me a break, seriously. Spoiled little daddy's girl grew up in mansion on the Upper East Side, went to a private all girls school with the Hilton sisters. Daddy paid for her rent when she moved into her own flat on the Lower East Side. She attended Tisch School of the Arts where she studied Musical Theatre but dropped out to focus on her music career. I don't think she ever studied dance so I don't know where this Flashdance moment is coming from. Coincidentally, Marry The Night sounds like Flashdance - What A Feeling by Irene Cara.
So you did some coke. Big deal, a lot of people have. Stop pretending like you grew up in Compton and had such a rough time.
"I'm gonna be a star. You know why? Because I have nothing left to lose".
Oh shut it. That's the reason for your depression? Because for a brief moment you thought you would never be famous??!! Cry when you have some real problems Princess. Imagine if I went crying to my family saying "I'm never gonna be famous! Wah Wah Wah!. They'd hit me over the head with a frying pan for being so ridiculous.
Wanna know who really was raped and was dragged into a back alley in NYC after dance rehearsal by a couple of men and forced to perform fellatio at knife point on each of them? Madonna.
