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| Would you hang this on your Christmas tree? |
By Petra Starke
I defended her when she wore that dress made of meat.
I rallied against people who claimed she was "just another Madonna clone".
I even applauded when she arrived at the Grammy Awards in an egg and claimed she'd been "incubating" in it for three days.
But
after what I saw this week, I just can't take it anymore. I'm
officially handing in my Lady Gaga fan club membership. And it's all
because of a lollipop.
Let me backtrack a few years. In 2009, just
before she became a mega huge pop star, Lady Gaga was the support act
for the Pussycat Dolls at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre.
Back
then Gaga only had a couple of hits and I barely knew who she was. I was
there to review the Pussycat Dolls, but ended up writing the whole
article about her.
I remember watching this platinum-haired pixie storming around the
stage in a crazy mirrored frock and go-go boots, belting out these
super-glossy, future-pop songs on a piano, only to be followed by the
spray-tanned, silicon-enhanced strip show of the Pussycat Dolls.
They
looked like they'd stepped out of a cheap men's magazine. She looked
like a pop star girls could be inspired by. My admiration for her was
instant.
She wasn't just a weirdly-dressed spectacle with catchy
tunes; she preached a message of acceptance, empowerment, self-love and
positivity. No matter your ethnicity, sexuality or appearance, everyone
was welcome at the temple of Gaga.
But this week I saw the true
temple of Gaga - "Gaga's Workshop" - and her booming dance music was
barely audible over the sound of cash registers ringing.
Gaga's
Workshop is a special, limited time only "pop-up boutique" that launched
last month in New York department store Barney's. It looks like
Adelaide's Magic Cave as designed by Willy Wonka and Andy Warhol, and is
filled with every type of Lady Gaga merchandise you can imagine.
And
I mean EVERY type. Snow globes, stuffed toys, bath foam, sunglasses, T
shirts, key rings, playing cards, candles, yo-yos, handbags, teacups,
iPhone stickers, tape measures (yes, really), hair bows made out of real
hair and $525 children's leather jackets with "GAGA" emblazoned on the
back in glitter. I felt like I'd walked inside a giant Lady Gaga
showbag.
But it wasn't until I spied the lollipop painted to look
like the star's face that the irony hit me like a studded-glove smack to
the face - WE were the suckers.
Here we all were, embracing Lady
Gaga's "love thyself" philosophy and celebrating being "born this way",
while simultaneously being sold vastly overpriced lipstick and hair
pieces. Not to mention bits of plastic manufactured in China for
presumably a fraction of Gaga's price tag. I guess it's easier to feel
good about the way you're born if it's not into a poor family in
Guangzhou.
Things weren't just overpriced, they were ABSURDLY overpriced. A
single gingerbread cookie painted with Gaga's face was $18. A plastic
Christmas ornament in her likeness was $25.
One pair of plastic
goggles clumsily covered in black lace and superglue was $295. I
imagined a team of workers sitting in the storeroom with glue guns and
bedazzlers, tearing open boxes of cheap crap from China and having a
huge laugh.
The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth - worse
than the one I imagine you'd get if you actually tried to eat her $25
"rock candy earrings" - and I left without buying anything.
Gaga
has announced that 25 per cent of proceeds from the Workshop will go to
her new Born This Way Foundation which, according to its website, is "a
movement to build a brave new world where humanity is embraced,
individuals are empowered, and intolerance is eliminated". Whatever that
might mean.
There's been a lot of press about the foundation
focusing on anti-bullying strategies, although there's been no hint of
what that might actually involve. Perhaps all will become clear when the
organisation is officially launched in 2012. When it does, it certainly
won't be lacking in funds.
In the meantime, I'll try to get over my shattered love affair with Lady Gaga. Let's call it a bad romance.
Thank you Tallulah for sending this to me.
